Pride and Marriage


President Ezra Taft Benson said that “Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance” … “Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness.  All of these are elements of sin, but the heart, or core is still missing. The central feature of pride is enmity – enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen” (Benson).

What is enmity, and how does it manifest itself in marriages?

Merriam-Webster dictionary defines enmity as “a very deep unfriendly feeling” and adds that “Enmity and its synonyms ‘hostility,’ animosity, and animus all indicate deep-seated dislike or ill will” and is derived from the Anglo-French word meaning “enemy” (www.merriam-wevster.com).

Enmity may seem like a strong word but consider President Benson’s words – “Our enmity toward God takes on many labels, such as rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers” (Benson).

It’s easy to see how these characteristics apply to those opposing God - Not so easy to see how they may apply to us and our marriages.

Rebellion: Do we refuse to allow our spouse to influence us? This does not mean that we shouldn’t express our opinions or our emotions, it simply means that we be open to our spouse's perspective.

Hard-heartedness: Are we unwilling to forgive?  Do we “continue to grieve over our injuries and rehearse our [spouses’] offences” - often magnify them? (Goddard)

Stiff-neckedness: Do we fail to turn toward one-another by ‘stone-walling’ or ignoring ‘bids for attention’ from our spouse? (Gottman)

Unrepentant: Do we refuse to apologize because we believe our spouse is in the wrong - justifying our thoughts and feelings? Do we realize that when we feel irritated with our spouse it is an “invitation to call ourselves to repent” rather than them? (Goddard)

Puffed Up: Do we believe that our spouse has a responsible to fulfill our needs? Do we “presume to understand” our spouse better than, we believe, they do? (Goddard)

Easily Offended: Are we so defensive that we easily find criticism or judgment in the smallest comment from our spouse? Do we feel a need for approval in all things?  “Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval” (Benson).

Sign Seeker: Do we feel that our spouse needs to ‘prove’ his/her love to us? Do we pout when we feel like we are being neglected or do we stop and contemplate the many ways our spouse does express his/her love – through small and simple means?