Creating Healthy Ties with In-laws

I just returned from a visit out west where I was able to spend time with three of our married children. Though five of our seven children are married, these three were on our route this time.

So, it’s interesting that the topic of study in my class this week was on creating healthy ties with in-laws because I came away from the visits wondering how I could strengthen those particular relationships.

As I interacted with my children and their spouses I felt a deep sense of love and appreciation for the role they have played in the life of my children and subsequently in our family. I found myself pondering on the blessing they each are to our family.

Authors, James M. Harper and Susanne Frost Olsen in, Creating Healthy Ties with In-Laws and Extended Families noted that “Difference is something that can be anticipated and even looked forward to because of its potential for creating growth in family members”.

I love this quote because each of our children’s spouses are very different. Sometimes I am amazed at just how different they are. And, they have created growth in my children.

They have created growth in me as well. They have expanded my capacity to love and appreciate uniqueness's in character.

There is considerable joy in seeing your adult children develop loving relationships and there is joy in seeing your children support one another in their choice of spouses.

“Marrying into a family that is different from yours or has different values can be a challenge. Demonstrating humor, exercising patience, overlooking small irritations, and looking for the positive can help in dealing with differences” (Harper, Olsen).

I am confident that my daughters-in-law and sons-in-law have been challenged on more than one occasion, as they have tried to navigate our family’s system.

Another thing that Harper and Olsen pointed out was that “the presence of other sons- or daughters-in-law can complicate inclusion issues because family members may make comparisons, and often sons- and daughters-in-law join in screening the potential in-law”.

One of the things I believe is helpful, is to not make comparisons. 

Even though we may try to be sensitive to this, sometimes comments are made, unintentionally, where comparisons may be alluded to or felt.

Along with this, I really appreciate what Diane Forbis wrote - "The potential for disrupting the family orchestration by talking about the unseemly behavior of a sister-in-law or the offensive language of a brother will never be worth any temporary satisfaction from voicing such indignation” (Harper, Olsen).

Such great advice!

Check out the link below for more ways to build healthy relationships with your in-laws:

http://blairblogs.com/2016/07/5-ways-to-build-healthy-relationships-with-your-in-laws/