Turn Toward Each Other

“Turn Toward Each Other Instead of Away” is the title of chapter six in John M. Gottman’s  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

How convenient for my sixth Blog entry!

One of the first things that Dr. Gottman addressed was something I have come to really understand and appreciate in my thirty-five years of marriage – it’s the little things that count.

“Hollywood has distorted our notions of romance and what makes passion sizzle. Watching Humphrey Bogart gather teary eyed Ingrid Bergman into his arms may make your heart pound, but real-life romance is fueled by far more humdrum scenes” (John M. Gottman The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work).

Reading that statement reminded me of a story I once read about a young mother who was awakened one night by a sick child. Realizing that the child was about to vomit, she jumped out of bed and hurried him off to the bathroom. Unfortunately, they didn’t make it in time. Weary eyed, she consoled her young child, cleaned him up, changed his pajamas, and tucked him back into bed. As she headed back to the bathroom, she found her husband, on hands and knees, wiping up the mess in the hallway. She stated that her love for him increased in that moment more than any romantic gesture could have.

Her comment goes along nicely with Gottman’s statement “Remind yourself that being helpful to each other will do far more for the strength and passion of your marriage than a two-week Bahamas getaway.”

Embracing opportunities to turn toward our spouse is like making deposits in our “emotional bank accounts”. We build up our reserves so that when things get tight, we have an extensive balance to fall back on.

The best thing about turning toward each other is how easily it can be done and how often the moments present themselves. Opportunities arise daily!

See: https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/